Wario's wacky treasure adventure
by WarioWorshipper777
Summary: When Wario and Waluigi stumble upon a treasure map, they embark on a hilarious adventure. Chapter 8 is up!
1. Treasure map ho!

Note : All of the characters portrayed in this story(except for a few made-up characters) are the property of Nintendo.

One lazy morning, inside Wario's castle, the fat mustachioed Mario wannabe was lazily sitting on his throne while his brother was busy dusting the castle interior.

"Boring!" said Wario, with his face resting on his fist.

"Stop complaining! Can't you see I'm busy cleaning the castle?" said Waluigi, annoyed by his brother's lamentations.

"Go find dust bunnies somewhere else. Find one, kiss one, marry one, I don't care! Just leave me alone." complained Wario.

"Stupid lazy Wario." grumbled Waluigi while resuming his dusting.

At that moment, Waluigi stumbled upon something while dusting one of the treasure piles lying around the room; it was a treasure map, looking like it was centuries old.

Wario quickly spotted the map that Waluigi was holding. "What is that thing that you're holding in your hand?" asked Wario, curious about Waluigi's discovery.

"It's nothing! Just a...credit card bill!" said Waluigi, starting to sweat like a dog before a flea bath.

"A credit card bill can't be centuries old, you idiot!" shouted Wario.

Wario hastily got off his throne and jumped toward Waluigi, who didn't even do anything. They got into a dust cloud, with fists and feet flying as they fought for the possession of the map.

Wario finally got a hold of the map and swallowed it so that Waluigi can't get it for himself.

"Waaa! What the heck did you just do?" shouted Waluigi, bewildered by Wario's tactic.

"Now you'll never get it! It's all mine! Wa ha ha!" teased Wario, while doing a victory dance.

"We'll see about that!" said a determined Waluigi.

Waluigi suddenly opened Wario's mouth and put his hand inside it. He pulled out all sorts of things like a chicken, a cow, a car tire, an Elvis impersonator and a chainsaw until he managed to find the map.

"Yes! I did it!" gleefully shouted Waluigi.

"Big deal! Give me that!" said Wario before snatching the map away from Waluigi.

He looked at it for a moment and then he let out a maniacal laugh.

"Wa ha ha ha ha ha ! We're going to be rich !" exclaimed Wario.

"Wait a minute, aren't we already rich?" asked a confused Waluigi.

Wario punched Waluigi in the face for his comment, making him fall down.

"It's time to go on a treasure hunt!" said Wario, triumphantly

Wario started walking out of the room while Waluigi was still lying on the ground.

"Help, I can't get up!" said Waluigi, trying to get up on his feet.

End of chapter.


	2. Follow the yellow poop road!

Note: this chapter may contain crude humor. Please tread with caution and don't step on the poo. By the way, most of the characters in this story ARE made-up. Sorry if I didn't specify earlier...

Wario and Waluigi soon got out of the castle and went on a path leading to adventure...

"So, what are we supposed to do to find the treasure?" asked Waluigi.

"In order to find the treasure, we have to find the four pieces of the "Thingy." replied Wario while reading the map.

"And what is this "Thingy" supposed to be?" asked Waluigi.

Wario made a pause and said: "I have absolutely no idea."

"You don't even know?" said a panicking Waluigi.

"Well, what can I say? It's a "Thingy", not some milk at the local supermarket!" replied Wario.

They soon went into a path looking A LOT like a Super Mario Bros. level. The Wario brothers jumped on goombas, stomped koopas and grabbed various objects by hitting blocks with their heads.

"Yeouch! I think my brain hurts!" said Wario after hitting one of the blocks.

They eventually ran into a koopa that was walking back and forth...

"Hey, hold everything! Yeah, I'm talking to you! Listen, I've been doing this gig for the last 15 years: left and right, left and right...Well I can't take it anymore! I'm not gonna do it anymore!" complained the koopa.

Wario suddenly kicked the koopa, sending it flying miles away...

"What did you do that for, brother?" asked Waluigi.

"Well, you heard the man. He didn't want to do his job anymore so I decided to put an end to his misery!" replied Wario.

"You know Wario, sometimes I wish you'd use your brain to think things like that more often." said Waluigi.

"Me too-Hey!" said Wario as he realized what his brother just said.

They eventually got to the staircase usually found near the end of a Super Mario Bros. level.

"Not more jumping!" complained Waluigi.

"Don't worry, bro. I'll take care of that!" said Wario.

Wario pulled a bazooka out of his pocket and blew up the stairs with it.

Wario and Waluigi went to the flagpole, meaning that they almost completed the "level".

"What about the flagpole?" asked Waluigi.

"Forget the stupid flagpole!" replied an angry Wario.

He suddenly pulled a chainsaw out of his pocket and cut off the flagpole so that they could go through the castle.

After completing the level, the two brothers walked along the path until...

SPLAT!

"What was that?" asked Waluigi.

"I think I stepped on something!" said Wario.

He looked down and saw that they were walking on a path made entirely of yellow poop!

"Eww! Who put that there?" said Wario as he tried to shake off the poop that was on his foot.

"I don't think I even WANT to know!" said a disgusted Waluigi.

The two brothers continued to wander on the path, being careful not to tread on the poop, until they eventually came to a sign that said "Welcome to Stinky-ville!".

"That's not a good indication of what's to come" said an uneasy Waluigi.

"Geez, ya think?" replied Wario.

They entered Stinky-ville and they saw that the whole place was dirty; there were piles of clothes lying on the ground, piles of dung put in front of every house and a dump that had been put RIGHT in the middle of town, among other unmentionable things. There was also a nasty stench in the air.

"This place is disgusting! How can anyone LIVE in a place like this?" said a disgusted Wario.

"I doubt it's even more disgusting than YOU are!" said Waluigi.

"Why you little...!" said an angry Wario.

Just when Wario was about to strangle Waluigi, a fat koopa with a brown beard wearing a brown shell, brown boots and white boxers with red stripes showed up.

"Howdy-ho, strangers!" said the obese koopa.

"Who the heck are you?" asked Wario.

"My name is Kletus! Welcome to Stinky-ville!" replied the koopa. "What do y'all be doin' in a purty place like this?"

"We're here to..." started Waluigi.

"I know what you want! I bet you fellers want to smell the great smell of a country town!" said Kletus. "Why, just smell the glorious manly odour of my armpits!"

Kletus raised his armpit, releasing a stench so stinky that it made Wario and Waluigi faint when they sniffed it.

End of chapter.


	3. Salesmen are bad for your health

Note : Again, some of the characters in this story are the property of Nintendo, in case you don't know and/or forgot.

A few hours later, the Wario brothers woke up in a house that seemed to have a rather weak foundation. Kletus was standing right in front of them.

"You're awake already? Sorry about the thing I did." said Kletus. "I should have figured you city folks would not be able to withstand a strong smell like mine."

"That's okay. We've had worse things happening to us." replied Wario.

"As I was trying to say, do you know where we could find a piece of the (finger quote) "Thingy?"" asked Waluigi.

"The "Thingy"? Why didn't you just say so? I reckon you'll find one of them pieces in Barren Wasteland." replied Kletus.

"And where would that be?" asked Wario.

"It's north when you get out of town." replied Kletus.

"Thanks for the info, Kletus!" said Waluigi.

"No problem. Y'all come back if you want to see me again!" said Kletus.

Wario and Waluigi got out of the house and went out of town to go north towards Barren Wasteland. A few hours later, Wario's stomach growled.

"Man, we haven't eaten anything since this trip started!" complained Wario.

"Don't worry, bro. We're bound to find a restaurant soon...I hope." said Waluigi.

"We're doomed." said Wario.

Suddenly, a green man with red spiky hair wearing swirly glasses, a blue business suit and brown shoes popped out from behind a rock. He was carrying a suitcase.

"Greetings, salutations, and happy birthday to you!" said the strange man.

"Who in the name of myself are you?" said a bewildered Wario.

"Allow moi to introduce myself. I am Gomango, the fanta-bulous salesman!" replied the strange man.

"Fanta-bulous? Is that even a word?" said Waluigi to himself.

"What do you want?" asked Wario.

"I have heard about your un-groovy pain, so I decided to come." replied Gomango. "Lucky for you, I have all sorts of food in my amazing disposal!"

Gomango opened his suitcase and a mountain of food suddenly popped out of it.

"Let's see here-a-ding-a-ling...I've got weiners, peanuts, walnuts, bananas, pickles, oranges, apples, potatoes, ice cream, tuna, bologna, slush, snow, old shoes, boogers, lipstick, cow poop..."

"OKAY, I GET IT!" yelled an angry Wario. "How much does this stuff cost?"

"You can buy all this fabu-tastic grub for the low-low price of 1,000,000,000 coins!" replied Gomango.

"What? I'm not paying that, you freeloader!" said Wario.

"No sale? Too bad! Just come see me again if you change your brainy mind." said Gomango. "Have a lemony day!"

Gomango let out a fart and flew away from Wario and Waluigi.

"You idiot! Why didn't you buy anything from him?" asked Waluigi.

"I would rather starve than spend my entire fortune on some nutso's food supply!" replied Wario. "And besides, I don't like salesmen."

"Oh well. We'll just have to find some food when we get to Barren Wasteland." suggested Waluigi.

"Sounds like a plan to me!" replied Wario.

The two brothers resumed traveling to Barren Wasteland in order to find the first piece of the "Thingy"...

End of chapter.


	4. Ghost story alert! Parental discretion a...

Wario and Waluigi were still busy wandering around in an attempt to find the first piece of the "Thingy"...

"Are we there yet?" asked Waluigi.

"No." replied Wario.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"Are we there yet?"

"No!"

"Are we there yet?"

"No! That's it! Say goodbye to your mouth privileges!"

Wario took Waluigi's mouth and tossed it elsewhere. The distressed(and mouth-less) Waluigi came running after it.

"Good riddance! Now the treasure is all mine!" exclaimed Wario.

After several minutes of walking, Wario saw a pipe and it swallowed him. The pipe spit him out in Desolate Wasteland, a place that seemed to be some sort of desert.

"Well, this must be it." said Wario to himself. He started walking around in the desert. After a few hours of walking, the yellow plumber got tired of walking and sat on a rock.

"I have to find that town soon or I'll starve to death!" lamented Wario.

A tornado suddenly came out of nowhere and started whirling around toward Wario.

"Forget the hunger! That tornado will do the job quicker if I don't get outta here!"

The overweight plumber tried to run away from the whirling dervish but it got him first. Wario got swept away by the tornado and it sent him flying right in the middle of a town. Needless to say, his landing wasn't exactly soft...

"Ouch! My brain hurts!"

Wario got up on his feet and looked around; the town he was in looked like it came out of an old western movie. The whole place seemed to be abandoned, as if the inhabitants were chased away by a herd of mice carrying the plague.

"Yes! I'm finally here!" exclaimed Wario. "But where did everybody go?"

Wario walked around and went inside a nearby salloon. He saw a lone barman behind the counter of the bar.

"Finally! Someone to talk to!"

Wario went to the counter and hit it with his fist to get the barman's attention.

"Hey, you!" shouted Wario. "You there! Give me something to eat, to drink, whatever you want. Just make it quick!"

"Is that any way to talk to a barman, young man?" scolded the barman.

The barman turned around to reveal his face; it was a shy guy wearing a white apron with red stripes. He also had a mustache like Luigi's. The barman shy guy was still busy wiping the inside of a glass he was holding.

"I don't care about the way I talk! I can talk any way I want and anywhere I want!" retorted Wario.

"Well, that kind of attitude will not get you anywhere I'm afraid." said the barman.

Wario got on his knees and started pleading.

"Can I PLEASE get something to eat?"

"Now THAT is more like it." said the barman.

The barman gave Wario...a banana.

"A BANANA? Oh well, it's better than nothing I suppose." Said Wario.

While Wario was busy scarfing down the banana, Waluigi ran in, gasping for breath. Unfortunately for him, Wario was done eating the banana and threw the peel in his path. Waluigi slipped on the banana and fell on his head. After seeing some stars circle around his head, Waluigi got up on his feet and went next to Wario.

"Did I miss anything?" asked Waluigi.

"Not really." replied Wario.

"My goodness! Where are my manners? I forgot to tell you my name! My name is Shylington." said the barman.

"Nice to meet you." said Waluigi. "Do you know something about where we could find a piece of the "Thingy"?"

"Oh dear, of course I know something about THAT, but there is a sad story involving it..." said Shylington.

"Come on, you can tell us!" said Wario.

"I shouldn't...Oh, all right! I will tell you the story." said Shylington.

"This is gonna be a long one." whispered Wario to his brother.

"A long time ago-" started Shylington before getting interrupted.

"Wait a minute!" said Wario. "Why are you the only guy left in this town?"

"I'll be getting to that." said Shylington. "Now then, where was I? Oh yes! (clears throat) A long time ago, there was a town named "Plenty Town". It was a poor, but happy and prospering place filled with people and visitors alike. Nothing could ever disrupt its peace. One day, a koopa went into the abandoned mine near the edge of town to search for a piece of the "Thingy". He had heard a rumor that said that one of these pieces would be in that mine. However, a few hours after he entered the mine, the townspeople got worried and sent a search party to find the koopa. A few days after the search party went missing, there were rumors about a ghost haunting the mine who devoured the souls of all who dared to venture its domain. Many brave adventurers went into the mine, but the problem is that all those who entered the mine never returned from it! Not only adventurers got lost in the mine, but other townspeople got lost in it as well! As they say, curiosity kills the cat. Tourists started to fear the place and never returned to Plenty Town. The town had been renamed "Empty Town" because there was not a soul living there anymore..."

"That's kinda creepy." said Wario. "Is this place called "Empty Town"?"

"Yes." replied Shylington.

"Is that story real?" asked Waluigi while shaking like a leaf.

"As real as the mustache that is on my face." replied Shylington.

"Oh gee, would you look at the time! (checks his watch) It's starting to get late now. Let's just forget about this whole treasure thing and go home!" said Waluigi, nervously.

Waluigi tried to run away until Wario held him by the collar.

"Hold it! Where do you think YOU'RE going?" said Wario to Waluigi.

"You heard what he said! There will be ghosts and death and crying for my mommy!" said Waluigi.

"Ghosts or no ghosts, I'm going in anyway!" replied Wario. "And for your information, he didn't say anything about crying for your mommy!"

"OUR mommy!" corrected Waluigi.

"Whatever! We're going there and that's final!" said Wario.

Wario went to Shylington after he released Waluigi's collar.

"Take us to the mine!" said Wario.

"Are you sure about this?" asked Shylington.

"Yes! Just take us there!" replied Wario.

"All right, calm down. I will take you there." said Shylington.

A few seconds later, The Wario brothers and Shylington were standing in front of the abandoned mine.

"Please come back safely from that awful place!" said Shylington.

"Don't worry, we'll be fine!" replied Wario. "Come on, Waluigi!"

Wario was holding Waluigi by his foot to drag him along to the cave.

"But I don't wanna go-o-o-o-o!" complained Waluigi while he was trying to hold on to the ground.

Wario wandered into the mine(while dragging Waluigi along) to search for the first piece of the "Thingy"...

End of chapter.


	5. Exit's that way!

The Wario brothers wandered deep into the cave as they searched for a piece of the "Thingy". Wario held a flashlight while Waluigi was quivering with fear...

"What if that shy guy was right? What if there IS a ghost?" asked Waluigi with a hint of paranoia.

"Don't worry bro, 'cause I ain't afraid of no ghost!" replied Wario.

The "Ghostbusters" theme suddenly played briefly for no apparent reason.

"What the heck was that?" asked Waluigi in confusion.

"I had no idea." said Wario.

Wario and Waluigi continued wandering into the cave until they heard a strange noise.

"Woo-hooooo. Woo-hoooooooo..." said a strange voice.

"W-w-w-what was that?" asked a shaking Waluigi.

"It was probably just the wind." said Wario in an attempt to make his brother feel safe.

"Maybe you're right. Who cares about ghosts?" said a courageous-ish Waluigi.

"Woo-hooooo. Woo-hoooooooo..." said the voice again.

"Mommy!" said Waluigi as he leapt on Wario's arms.

"Get off me, you wuss!" said Wario as he let Waluigi drop on the ground.

"Woo-ho- Aw, to heck with this!" said the voice.

A creature came out of the darkness. It turned out to be a simple lantern ghost.

"A lantern ghost? I was afraid of a lantern ghost?" said Waluigi to himself as he got up on his feet.

"Yeah, that's right! I'm a puny lantern ghost. You got a problem with that?" said the lantern ghost.

"Why did you scare everyone off?" asked Wario.

"Scare everyone? I was just trying to give those tourists a tour guide of the cave but nooooooo, they just HAD to run away screaming like babies!" replied the lantern ghost.

"What about those that didn't come back?" asked Waluigi.

"Those idiots ran into deadly traps while trying to get out of this dump, as you can see." said the ghost as he pointed to the skeleton of an unfortunate adventurer that fell into a spike pit. "Well, either that or they died of hunger."

"Then why do you keep saying "woo-hoooo"? asked Wario.

"I was just happy to see tourists!" replied the ghost.

"Ahh, I'm relieved to know that you're not some sort of soul-eating ghost!" said Waluigi.

"Soul-eating? I just KNEW those morons would make up stories about me!" said the ghost. "Anyway, what do you want?"

"We're looking for a piece of something called the "Thingy"." said Wario.

"You mean this old thing?" said the ghost as he pulled a pair of big, red lips out of his pocket.

"Yes, that's it!...I think." said Wario.

The lantern ghost gave the big lips to Wario.

"By the way, how do we get out of here?" asked Waluigi.

"Oh, that's easy. You can just go back the way you came OR you can take the left path behind me, which is faster." Said the ghost.

"Where does the right path lead to?" asked Waluigi.

"Unless you want to end your life as a grilled-cheese, don't take that path." replied the ghost. "It's time for me to get out of here."

"Why are you leaving?" asked Wario.

"Because I've had enough of this place! No one ever comes to visit." said the ghost. "I'm going to take my retirement in some exotic place that has some attractive ladies. See you around!"

The lantern ghost walked away from Wario and Waluigi, leaving them alone.

"Well, time to go left!" said Wario.

The Wario brothers went into the left path. They soon enter a passage with a huge boulder stuck above the entrance.

"Hmm, this place looks pretty banged-up." said Waluigi. " We musn't make a noise or we'll be..."

Wario's nose suddenly started to twist up.

"A...A...A...ACHOO!" sneezed Wario.

"...squashed like pancakes." finished Waluigi.

Wario's sneeze made the cave rumble a little bit and the huge boulder got un-stuck and started to roll after the two brothers.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!" said Wario and Waluigi as they ran away from the giant boulder.

"Why do these things happen to us?" said Waluigi.

"Sorry, I couldn't help it!" said Wario.

Wario suddenly stopped running.

"Wait a minute, why am I afraid of some stupid boulder?" said Wario to himself.

Wario punched the boulder away, making it break in pieces when it hit the wall. Unfortunately, this triggered a rockfall.

"Nice going, genius. Now we're going to be flat like squashed goombas!" said Waluigi.

Wario saw a mine cart on some rails.

"Quick! On that mine cart!" said Wario as he pointed at the mine cart.

"Gee, talk about convenient." commented Waluigi.

Waluigi leapt into the cart while Wario pushed it. As soon as it started moving, Wario also jumped into the mine cart. The mine cart took them on a wild ride as it the tracks went in all directions. It even went into a loop! The ride continued until the brothers saw a sign that said "DANGER! Do not get past that point! We're not kidding!"

"Wario, hit the brakes!" said Waluigi.

"What brakes?" asked Wario.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" screamed Wario and Waluigi as they were about to crash into the wall.

The mine cart went through the wall, leading the two brothers outside a cliff.

"That was a close one!" said Wario.

"I'll say." replied Waluigi.

Wario suddenly saw a bird flying around them.

"Look at the little birdy!" said Wario in joy.

"Wario?" asked Waluigi.

"Yes?" replied Wario.

"Why is there a bird flying around us?"

"Uhhhh..."

Wario and Waluigi noticed that they were in mid-air.

"Uh-oh." said Wario.

The mine cart immediately started falling towards the ground.

"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

End of chapter.


	6. Of deserts and dimwits

Soon enough, the two brothers had fallen on the ground. Waluigi got his head stuck in the ground while Wario was sitting, dizzy and disoriented.

Waluigi managed to get his head out of the ground and went to Wario.

"Wario! Are you okay? Quick! (holds up three fingers) How many fingers am I holding up?" asked a worried Waluigi.

"January." said the dizzy Wario.

Wario shook his head to get a hold of himself.

"Boy, that was a close one." said Wario.

Shylington ran up to them.

"Thank goodness you are alive! I was beginning to think that you would never come back!" said Shylington with relief. "Did you get the piece of the "Thingy"?"

"We sure did!" said Waluigi as he held up the piece of the "Thingy".

"So, what did the ghost look like?" asked Shylington.

"Lame." replied Wario. "By the way, how did you get back here so fast?"

"Back? You are at the front of the mine." said Shylington. The three of them were indeed in front of the mine's entrance.

"Huh? We got ALL the way to the bottom of the mine and we wound up back here?" said a confused Wario. "Whatever. I'm outta here."

"Thanks for everything!" said Waluigi as he waved to Shylington.

"You are welcome! Best of luck on your quest!" replied Shylington, who waved back.

Wario and Waluigi walked away from Empty Town and headed towards the desert. 30 minutes later...

"Man, I'm thristy!" said Wario while he was sweating. "You got any water left in that gourd of yours?"

Waluigi pulled a gourd out of his pocket and twisted the cap open. He started to drink the gourd's contents until he realized that there was sand inside it instead of water. He immediately spat out the sand.

"Unless you consider sand being a liquid, no." replied Waluigi.

"There's GOT to be water around here somewhere..." said Wario.

At that moment, Gomango suddenly showed up.

"Hello, gentle manly men!" greeted Gomango.

"Oh no, not you again..." complained Wario as he slapped his forehead with disbelief.

"I have heard your plea of thirsty-ness and I have just the thingy for you dudes!" said Gomango.

The grinning salesman opened his suitcase and a dozen of water bottles popped out of it.

"These are bottles filled with spring water that is fresh like fresh new underwear and they are all yours...for a price."

"How much is it?" asked Waluigi.

"Oh, it just costs a measly...50,000 coins!" replied Gomango.

"What? Impossible! I want it for 10,000 coins!" said Wario.

"Gack!" cringed Gomango. "I won't take it for that price! That's barely the price of the gift-wrap!"

"Let me take care of this, brother." said Waluigi to Wario.

Waluigi went to Gomango.

"40,000 coins and it's our final offer!" said Waluigi while pointing up.

"Ohh, you're tearing me apart...but it's a deal!" replied Gomango.

Wario gave the 40,000 coins to Gomango, who immediately gave the bottles to him.

"That is all for today. See you next timey!" said Gomango.

Gomango put on some rocket-powered clown shoes and started hopping towards the sunset...

"Ah, finally!" said Wario as he held firmly one of the bottles.

Wario and Waluigi drank the bottles' content and immediately spat it out.

"Eww, that's gross!" said a repulsed Wario.

"That isn't water, it's vinegar!" said Waluigi.

"That cheapskate ripped us off!" said Wario as he clenched his fist.

"Let it go, Wario." replied Waluigi. "And besides, he's gotten too far away from us by now."

"You're right. We'll just have to find some water ourselves!" said Wario.

The Wario brothers kept walking until they stumbled upon a water spring.

"Wow, talk about convenient." commented Waluigi.

Wario started to drink out of the spring water...using his mouth.

"Hey! Leave some for me!" protested Waluigi.

Soon enough, they got back on their way. The two brothers eventually stopped near a mountain with a sign that said "Way-up high Mountain" in front of it.

"Gee, this place looks high..." said Waluigi. "Do we really have to climb this mountain?"

"Well, it doesn't look like there's any way around it so we'll just have to climb it." replied Wario.

"It's not like I don't want to climb it, it's just that...I have a fear of heights." said Waluigi.

Wario stared at Waluigi.

"Oh, fine! Let's climb up that stupid mountain." complained Waluigi.

Wario and Waluigi climbed up the mountain and reached the top.

"Ohh, that was painful." complained Waluigi.

"That's nothing. Now we have to go DOWN the mountain." replied Wario.

"I hate you." said Waluigi.

"What did you just say?" replied Wario.

"I hate you. I mean you manage to get a castle, lots of money, some hot women and what do I get? A whole lot of nothing!" complained Waluigi.

"Well, maybe if you didn't lay around all day long doing nothing you'd get something nice every once in a while!" replied Wario.

"Well, you're no different, Mr. "I'm so perfect"!" said Waluigi.

"Skinny toothpick!"

"Fat pig!"

"Ugly duck!"

"Tub of lard!"

"Rotten eggplant!"

"Garbage can!"

"Ugly mustache!"

"(gasp) THAT...was a low blow!" said a shocked Waluigi. "You'll pay for that!"

"And what are you gonna do about that? Slap me with your gloves? Pinch my nose?" teased Wario.

"I eat fat guys like you for breakfast!" replied Waluigi.

"Really? Well, I'll hurt you so bad that it won't even be funny!" said Wario.

"Bring it on, bro! Bring it on!" challenged Waluigi.

The two brothers got into a ball of dust, punching and kicking, biting and scratching, pinching and spitting. However, they started rolling down the mountain while doing this. As Wario and Waluigi rolled down the mountain, they bounced off a few rock formations like a pinball hitting bumpers. They eventually rolled off a cliff and fell down towards the ground...

CRASH!

Wario and Waluigi sat on the ground, holding their heads in pain.

"Wario, you can get what you want. I just want to stay alive long enough to lie on a warm, soft bed." said Waluigi.

"Speaking of which, I think that night is going to fall." said Wario.

"AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I'm falling! Helllllllp!" screamed a voice as night litterally fell.

CRASH!

Wario pulled a flashlight out of his pocket and turned it on.

"We need to find a place to sleep in before the wolves eat us." said Wario.

"Wolves? We have wolves here?" asked a frightened Waluigi.

"Yeah, sure. Anyway, let's just find a place to sleep before it's too late." said Wario.

"Okay." replied Waluigi, shaking like a leaf.

They followed a path until they stumbled across a dark place.

"This should make a nice spot." said Wario. "Let's use the sleeping bags!"

Waluigi unfolded the sleeping bags. After that, the two brothers got in their sleeping bags.

"Good night, Wario!" said Waluigi.

"Good night, Waluigi." replied Wario.

They fell asleep and had an uneventful night...

End of chapter.


	7. Medieval Madness!

The next morning, the Wario brothers woke up and stretched a little. As soon as Waluigi rubbed his eyes, he looked shocked!

"What's up? You look pale." said a concerned Wario. "What's the matter, did you go bankrupt again?"

Wario looked in the same direction and he got the same shocked gaze as Waluigi. It turns out that they were in some sort of medieval-themed village where the population is, well...medievalish.

"This is different." said Waluigi.

"I'll say. Everyone's dressed like peasants." replied Wario.

"That's because they ARE peasants, doofus" said Waluigi.

"Halt, trespassers!" said a strange voice.

Wario and Waluigi turned around to see a knight in shining armour standing in front of them.

"Ye shalt not disturb the peace of this village, fiendish ogres!" said the knight.

"Ogres? Who are YOU calling ogres, you walking tin can!" retorted Wario.

"If thou do not leave this place immediately, I will smite thee with my mighty sword!" said the knight, not paying attention to Wario's comment.

"Whatever. You don't scare me." replied an unimpressed Wario while cleaning an ear with his finger.

The knight suddenly unsheathed his sword.

"Charge!" said the knight as he charged towards Wario.

As soon as the knight got close to Wario, Wario raised his fist and the knight charged straight into it, knocking him out.

"That was stupid. When do we get to eat breakfast?" asked Wario.

The knight suddenly got up on his feet.

"Foolish fiend! Prepare to be-"

The knight got bonked on the head by a staff, knocking him out. A short old man with a white beard and a brown cloak was the one holding the staff.

"(sigh) Some things never change." said the old man.

"Who are you?" asked Waluigi.

"My name is Geezer." replied the old man. "And you are?"

"I'm Waluigi and this is my brother Wario." said Waluigi.

"Who's that guy?" asked Wario as he pointed to the unconscious knight whom had stars spinning around his head.

"That is Sir Hurtsalot. He takes his job FAR too seriously. As a result, he attacks anyone who looks threatening and/or ugly." replied Geezer.

"Ugly? (turns to Waluigi) Waluigi, do I look ugly to you?" asked an angry Wario.

"Uh, no! You're not ugly, you're um, a handsome devil!" replied Waluigi.

"Good. For a second there, I felt insulted." said Wario.

"You must be hungry, are you not?" asked Geezer.

"You bet I am!" replied Wario while rubbing his belly.

"Yaaaaaaaaaaahh!" yelled Sir Hurtsalot as he got back on his feet.

Geezer simply knocked him out with his staff again.

"Boy, that guy sure is relentless." commented Wario.

"He had too much coffee this morning." said Geezer. "Anyway, would you like to accompany me to the castle for some breakfast?"

"Yeah! Er, I mean...yes." replied Wario.

"Yaaaahh!" yelled Sir Hurtsalot as he got back on his feet again.

Geezer knocked him out with his staff yet again.

"Can we go to your castle before this guy kills us?" asked urgently Waluigi.

"Gladly." replied Geezer.

A few minutes later, Wario, Waluigi, and Geezer arrived at the local castle. Once they went inside, they had a small breakfast. Well, "small" for the others; Wario ate plenty of food including 10 chickens, 20 pies, 3 piles of fruit, 5 boars and even a small slice of toast.

"There is something I wanted to ask you; What is this place called?" asked Waluigi.

"Oh dear! That idea did not even occur to me! This quiet little village is called "Camel-lot"." said Geezer.

""Camel-lot"? Talk about a stupid name." said Wario while eating.

"It is best if you do not stay in it." said Geezer.

"Why?" asked Waluigi.

"For ages, our village had been terrorized by a vile beast named Po-Go. Every time it came into town, it demanded to have one of his wishes fulfilled or else he would eat 10 of the villagers for supper. We were forced to fill out every one of his demands, whether it is feeding him, entertaining him or rubbing his smelly feet... But those were nothing compared to what would come next. Po-Go had recently demanded to be married to our fair maiden princess Grape. We would never let a disgusting creature like that sit on the throne, so we refused to fill out his demand. Unfortunately, he kidnapped princess Grape and took her to his cave. He told us that if he did not get to marry her within 3 days, he would devour her." explained Geezer. "No one dares to venture into Po-go's cave as many never came back from it. We do not know what to do. Will you help us?"

Wario immediately spat out the pie he was eating.

"What? There's NO way I'm going to run around saving damsels in distress!" said Wario.

"Why not? I mean, Mario's been doing doing it for years." said Waluigi.

"So? I explore for money, not sassy girls wearing frilly dresses!" replied Wario.

"You refuse? Oh well. It is too bad. I was hoping you young ones would venture into Po-Go's cave filled with riches and save princess Grape. But I respect your decision..." said Geezer.

"Riches?" asked Wario and Waluigi, surprised.

"On second thought, I might as well try it. Who knows? It might be fun!" said Wario.

"You accept? Splendid! I shall prepare some food for your trip." said Geezer.

Sir Hurtsalot suddenly came bursting through the front door.

"What? Impossible! I shalt be the one whom will venture into the cave, slayeth the beast and rescue our fair maiden Grape!" said Sir Hurtsalot.

"No! You will do no such thing! You are foolish and careless! You are not even fit to be part of the knights of the rectangle table!" replied Geezer!

"I deserve this honour more than these atrocities! Thou have doomed us all, Geezer!" said Sir Hurtsalot.

Sir Hurtsalot left the castle.

"Right. I shall prepare your rations for your voyage. Meet me back here in two hours." said Geezer.

Two hours later...

"Here you go." said Geezer as he handed some food to the two brothers. "The path to Po-Go's cave will be dangerous. Are you ready for it?"

"Yeah, I guess so." replied Wario.

"Excellent. Come back safely with the princess." said Geezer.

"Don't worry, we will...I hope." said Waluigi.

The Wario brothers left the castle and went on a dangerous path leading to Po-Go's cave...

End of chapter.


	8. I lava you so much

After hours of wandering through an arid valley, Wario and Waluigi had finally made it to Po-Go's cave, which had a sign saying "Po-go's cave, duh." at the front.

"I don't think this is a good idea, Wario." said a worried Waluigi. "What if we get eaten by that monster?"

"Stop complaining, you idiot! Where are your guts, huh? I mean, come on! Are you an intrepid money-seeking adventurer in a danger-filled mission to find a great and legendary treasure or a big chicken?" asked Wario.

"Uhh, I'll take the second choice." replied Waluigi.

"(sigh) Never mind. Let's just go in the stupid cave and get it overwith." said Wario.

The two brothers went inside the cave and they soon came across a lava pit.

"How are we going to cross this pit?" asked Waluigi.

"By jumping on those rocks! What else is there?" replied Wario.

They jumped on the rocks that were floating on the lava until they reached the other side.

"Boy, that was pathetic. I expected Po-Go to have better obstacles than this!" complained Wario.

"It doesn't really matter now since I'll get my little darling princess soon." boasted Waluigi.

"YOUR princess? You mean MINE!" retorted Wario.

"So what? I heard about her first!" said Waluigi.

"Uhh, no you didn't. We both heard about her, mind you!" replied Wario.

"Whatever. I'm better than you anyway." said Waluigi.

"And why is that?" asked Wario.

"Because, er...I'm bigger than you!" replied Waluigi.

"Yeah, right! You can hardly move around with those lanky legs of yours. I'M the one who's better than you; I'm stronger, faster and more handsome." said Wario.

"Not to mention fat and stupid." retorted Waluigi.

"Hey, I'll have YOU know that I got a big brain!" replied Wario.

"Yeah, a big brain full of lard." retorted Waluigi again.

"What? Why you little...!" said an angry Wario.

Wario jumped towards Waluigi as they both got into yet another dustball of fighting. As they were busy beating each other up, the Wario brothers started rolling down a tunnel. They bounced off stalagmites, went down patched-up holes and went flying over a lava pit by rolling down a slope. They eventually went crashing down at the bottom. It seemed that the two brothers landed in a passage leading to a red steel door...

"Where the heck are we?" asked Wario as he got up on his feet.

"I think we're in front of the door leading to Po-Go's chamber." replied Walugi.

"Really? What was your first clue?" said Wario, sarcastically.

Wario and Waluigi pushed the door and went inside a room with a bridge over a lava pit in the middle.

"Good day to you, infidels!" said a voice.

"Yes, good day to you!" said a second voice.

"Who's there?" asked Wario.

A creature stepped out of the shadows; it was a muscled ogre...with two heads!

"Greetings. My name is Po..." said the first head.

"And my name is Go." said the second head.

"Yikes! This is different!" exclaimed Wario.

"I'll say." replied Waluigi.

"You have penetrated in our lair and for that, you shall suffer!" said Po.

"Actually, I was thinking that we should torture them first, THEN we make them suffer." suggested Go.

"Oh, not this again! I told you already; suffering and torture are the same darn thing!" replied Po.

"So what? You couldn't even tell the difference between a banana and a mango!" retorted Go.

"At least I don't go around babbling about all sorts of topics that people don't care about!" complained Po.

"Oh, well EXCUUUSE ME! I may be snotty, but at least I don't go around belching in every room I go in!" replied Go.

"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MY BREATH IS MINTY FRESH!" shouted Po.

While Po and Go were arguing, Wario scratched his head, puzzled by the whole situation.

"THAT'S the scary creature that's been terrorizing the whole village? I don't see what the big deal is..." commented Wario.

"Uh, Wario? I think we should go cross the bridge while they're busy arguing." suggested Waluigi.

"Good thinking, bro!" said Wario.

Wario and Waluigi quickly ran across the bridge in an attempt to escape from Po-Go.

"You suck at torturing prisoners!" said Po.

"Oh sure. As if YOUR method was more delicate and...(sees Wario and Waluigi crossing the bridge) What the...? They're escaping!" said Go.

"Darn you! Can't you pay more attention to our surroundings?" replied Po.

Po-Go jumped and landed in front of the Wario brothers before they could reach the end of the bridge.

"Hold it! You're not going anywhere!" said Po.

"Waluigi, you get to the other side of that bridge while I deal with these two clowns." said Wario to Waluigi.

"You got it!" replied Waluigi.

Waluigi quickly ran underneath Po-Go and reached the other side of the bridge.

"Now it's you and me, double-face!" said Wario to Po-Go.

"Hey! Leave our mother out of this!" replied Go.

Wario dodged some punches that Po-Go was trying to beat him with.

"Hold still, fatso! We can't reach you with our punches!" said Po.

Wario headbutted Po-Go on their stomach, making them clutch it with pain.

"(groan) I knew I shouldn't have eaten burritos for breakfast!" complained Po.

Wario ran underneath Po-Go and went to the other side of the bridge to go rejoin Waluigi.

"You cannot escape from us forever!" said Po.

"I don't have to." replied Wario.

"Why not?" asked Po.

"Because I'll cut off the bridge's rope with this axe that you put at the end of the bridge." replied Wario again.

Sure enough, Wario was standing next to an axe that was put at the end of the bridge.

"I TOLD you not to put that axe there." said Go to Po.

"What? I was just imitating Lord Bowser's decoration. I think it looks good." replied Po.

Wario took the axe and cut off the rope with it, making Po-Go fall down the lava pit.

"This is all your fault! If you didn't babble for no reason, we'd be victorious!" said Po.

"Oh, just shut up and fall, you nincompoop!" replied Go.

Po-Go screamed as they were dunked in the lava, basically burning them, toasting them, melting them, hurting them...Well, you get the idea.

"Glad that's over." said Wario with a sigh of relief.

"Time to go save that princess!" said Waluigi, triumphantly.

"Princess? I almost forgot about her!" said Wario in a panicky tone.

Wario pushed Waluigi aside as he ran towards a passageway

"Out of my way, skinny!" said Wario while he was doing this.

Waluigi lost his balance and fell on the ground.

"Hey, don't leave me here!" complained Waluigi as he tried to get up on his feet.

End of chapter.


End file.
